Pizza Registration

The office of the White House Press Secretary today announced the plan of President Obama to issue an Executive Order requiring all Pizzas made for sale in the United States to be registered with the DOJ's Counter Terrorism Unit. This coming in the wake of an increase in acts of terror being committed by Pizza wielding extremists.

The President is not ready to release details on his E.O., because, as in the case of the Health Care bill, the Order will be a skeleton that will be fleshed out by agencies, existing or created, that will be responsible for formulating, implementing, and executing the plan established. For this President Obama has called an emergency meeting of the heads of all existing departments involved.

Tops on the list of things to be discussed is limiting the size of pizza to 6” in diameter and creation of a microchip to be embedded in each pizza sold. Preliminary requirements for the chip have already been released to Intel and AMD so they will be able to make proposals at the proper time. Each has been given a ten billion dollar grant for research and development. The value of the contract that will be awarded is expected to be in the Trillions. Most of the cost, according to the Office of Management and Budget, will eventually be passed on to the Pizza Restaurants and the consumer.

Minimum requirements have been set for the embedded chip. It must blend into the cheese and be easily swallowed. To facilitate tracking of potentially harmful ingredients such as explosively hot pepperoni, the chip must survive the trip through the digestive system until it exits the body. It must continue to be fully functional until destroyed by the processes used in sewage treatment facilities.

Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton will be addressing the next meeting of the U.N. General Assembly. She is expected to appeal for a world-wide Anchovy Proliferation Treaty.

[Obviously, the above report is false. I just wanted to see if I could come up with fiction more absurd than fact. I failed miserably.]

The story that beats my fiction by a mile comes from Bob Unruh of World Net Daily via David Theroux at The Beacon, http://blog.independent.org/2011/12/28/public-school-clamps-down-on-ten-year-old-for-pizza-gun/ the blog of the Independent Institute http://www.independent.org

....

In the past, a gunmaker’s name on a pen and a drawing of a space weapon have been enough to bring down school officials’ wrath on students; now it’s a piece of pizza.

At an elementary school in Smyrna, Tenn., student Nicholas Taylor, 10, has been ordered to spend lunches for the rest of the semester at the lunchroom’s “silent table” because he allegedly picked up a piece of pizza and waved it around like a gun.

According to a WKRN television report, school officials say Taylor “threatened” other students “with a piece of pizza with bites out of it so it looked like a gun.”

The station said his mother, LeAnn Taylor, described the punishment as “absolutely ridiculous” and said her son never said anything derogatory or anything about shooting.

“The kid across the table from him said it looked like a gun so he picked it up and started shooting it in the air,” she said, according the television report.

A school official, James Evans, said the punishment actually is because “some students reported he was making some threatening hand gestures, that he was shooting at other kids at the table, and they reported it to a teacher.”

. . . .

“In addition to the stigma of silent lunch, Nicholas was required to meet with the school resource officer to learn about gun safety. I submit that the school should have further required that the child … meet with the dietitian to discuss pizza safety.”

The controversy developed, according to the WKRN report, a few days ago at David Youree Elementary School in Smyrna, a part of the Rutherford County School District.

Evans wrote, “I realize some might say we are going overboard but the principal is just trying to use an abundance of caution and send the message that we don’t play about guns and it’s not something we joke around about.”

Taylor told the station the school made it clear if her son eats his pizza into the shape of a gun again and there is another incident, he would be suspended.
....

See the whole story at http://www.wnd.com/2011/12/381781/ including a TV interview of two Tennessee representatives. Can you pick the airhead?

Let's just be thankful it wasn't a piece of French Bread Pizza. School officials might have thought it was a rocket launcher and poor Nicholas would already be in Gitmo.

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PLEASE HELP!!!

It was never my intention to make money from this blog or to use it to solicit funds for any cause, but a crisis has arisen that makes it a humanitarian necessity.

On October 26, 2010 an article by Megan Murphy in the UK's Financial Times has revealed a heart-rending story of a devastating financial crisis that has hit a small segment of the world's population.

A Swiss bank, hit hard by the financial crisis, is trying to get the Swiss financial regulator, Finma, to drop a $1m cash bonus cap for its top bankers. The bank has received “complaints it has strained some executives’ personal finances.”

The bonuses are not limited to $1m, but remainders are to be paid in deferred cash and share awards. The bank wants the additional cash for “their top earners” says the Times.

According to one UBS banker, the limits are creating a hardship making it tough for the top earners to make their mortgage payments and keep their kids in [elite] schools. [Heaven forbid their kids have to go to public schools and rub shoulders with our kids.]

Murphy reports that other investment banks such as Credit Suisse, Barclays and Goldman Sachs, are having the same problems. To get around it some have increased base pay for these executives. The Times says, “A managing director at a global investment bank, for example, can now expect to earn a $500,000 salary before bonus, up from $200,000 to $250,000 before the crisis.”

It's very important that we be especially kind to that incredibly well dressed family that just moved in next to us in one of the many tent cities springing up all over the globe. They may have just had their villa on the Riviera foreclosed.

But just being kind may not be enough. I'm now soliciting funds to help bailout the bank executives. I'm asking everyone to send what they can up to regulatory limits*. Please send checks or money orders (no cash please) payable in Uzbekistanian Som. Make checks payable to “Save Our Bankers” and send to the West Bank of the Delaware. On behalf of S.O.B. and the S. O. B.'s we're helping, I thank you.

*International rules require a limit of 500 in whatever currency is used for private charitable donations to help out bankers. Please do not exceed the limit.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/a3eded6c-e133-11df-90b7-00144feabdc0.html?ftcamp=rss&ftcamp=crm/email/20101026/nbe/AsiaMorningHeadlines/product

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Regulation, Reform, and My Uncle Remus

Regulation, Reform, and My Uncle Remus

People often say that Big Business controls the government. I agree wholeheartedly, but when those making the statement are asked, “What can we do about it?” the answer usually comes back, “We have to give Congress more power to control Big Business.” Duhhh! If Big Business controls the government, and if we give more power to the government, then we're giving Big Business more power to destroy their competition through regulation and taxation. That's exactly what has been happening.

The old mantra was regulation, today it's “reform.” I caught onto “regulation” a long time ago and I think I have a pretty good handle on the meaning of “reform” if experience with tax “reform” is any indicator. Every ten or fifteen years, politicians, bureaucrats, and the media are “shocked” to learn of massive loopholes in the tax laws through which extreme wealth escapes taxes. Usually, this happens after the loopholes have become more generally known and many less wealthy people are beginning to use them. The laws are “reformed,” and the cycle begins again. It then takes another fifteen years for the new loopholes built in for the wealthy to become more generally known and then the “shock” and “reform” repeats.

One of the latest developments in the regulation and “reform” arena is reported by Brooke Masters, Quentin Peel and Francesco Guerrera of the UK Times Sept. 12 & 13. The subject was a meeting of the global regulators of the Bank for International Settlements in Basel where new global bank capital standards were being set.

The reporters indicated that most BIG [emphasis mine] US and European banks would not have much difficulty, but smaller banks could struggle to meet the new requirements. [Nothing to worry about. The big guys will be happy to absorb their business.]

The Times does report warnings that the new, stricter requirements might crimp economic recovery, but not all agreed (or at least admitted it).

Still, Masters, Peel and Guerrera tell us “One senior banking executive said the rules would prompt banks to hoard capital and cut lending capacity at a time when the US economy is struggling...”

“There is nothing we can do: more capital on our balance sheet means less capital available to the rest of the economy,” the executive is quoted.

Welcoming the agreement, the Times informs us, is Tim Geithner, US Treason secretary and CFR and Trilateral Commission member who the Times quotes as calling it the “next step on the way to strong global financial reforms.” There you have it. The money powers behind the CFR and Trilateral Commission want these “global financial reforms” and national sovereignty and the well-being of the peoples of the world be damned.

In light of this development, I thought it might be appropriate to relate this little story my Uncle Remus told me a long time ago, when “regulation” was the buzzword. Uncle said:

“One fahn day, ole small businessman Brer Fox finally caught da corporate monopolist Brer Rabbit and was decidin' what ta do wit him. Jus' den Brer Rabbit he say to Brer Fox, 'Yo can do anythin' yo want ta me, but please, please, please don't fling me in dat thar heavily go'ment regoolated en controlled economy. Hearin' dat, Brer Fox he chuckle' to hisself en flung dat rabbit right smack dab inta da middle o' dat regoolated economy.

Fo' a while Brer Fox he jus' listen' en laugh' at da loud weepin' en wailin' en gnashin' o' teeth comin' from dat regoolated economy. Den dere was nuttin'. Hah!, thunk Brer Fox. Ahv'e finally done away wit thet selfish, greedy rabbit. But, soon, Brer Fox he hear laughin' en singin' en da clinkin' o' gold coins from da regoolated economy. Den da rabbit he call' out, “Brer Fox, Ah tol' yo not to fling me in hayah. It was in da medieval economies o' Europe, heavily regoolated by da trade guilds en corporations, dat mah family grow' en prosper'. We loves da go'ment regoolated en controlled economy becuz we controls da go'ment.”

Today, Mom and Pop Fox's little store is gone, replaced by a unit of the Lickety Split chain. The tiny Fox Manufacturing Co. is a wholly owned subsidiary of Rabbit Enterprises, Inc., and the Brer Fox Savings and Loan, having been lured into an economic trap by agents of Bunny Investments, has been swallowed up by the First Hare Commercial Bank of America. Brer Fox himself ended his days as unskilled labor, barely scratching out a living in a division of Rabbit Enterprises. Sadly, as John L. Lewis predicted,* his sons were killed in the New Dealers' War.

*In 1940, John L. Lewis, head of the United Mine Workers Union, urged his followers to vote against Roosevelt or he would make cannon fodder of their sons. This at a time when the whole New Deal swore we would stay out of Europe's war. The “New Deal” turned out to be the same old dirty deal from the bottom of a stacked deck.


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